This Is Me, As I Am

On my way home from work this evening, GOD began having a conversation with me. We have conversations on the regular. Usually, it is me leading the conversation, leaving Him little no room to chime in or rebut. LOL. The mood of this conversation felt different. Not different ominous or scolding in any way, nor was a OMG there is a major scolding coming kind of vibe either, but just a conversation. As He began to speak, I realized that this talk is what I’ll call a Course Conversation talk.

What is a Course Conversation talk you ask? For me it was an authentic conversation between a Father and His daughter, where Papa told me what He needed to say, with absolutely no interruption from me. In this conversation there were no snot producing, hysterical sobs coming from me. No of “oh Jesus forgive me,” but a verbal vocalization of repentance for making my Daddy out to be a liar.

As I write this, I can hear the gasps from the mouths of those who read the phrase “making my Daddy out to be a liar.” Unclutch your pearls, put down your judgement and just read until the end. Maybe the next time when you are in a truly quiet space, naturally and supernaturally” ABBA may have a Course Conversation with you as well.

For clarification, I didn’t go around purposely making ABBA out to be a liar, but what I did was turn my desires, (the things that I thought I needed to please people and prove that I was smarter that people gave me credit for) into HIS destined plans for my life. Please don’t sadden yourselves with pity for me or dishonest sympathy that you call empathy, I am okay. He revealed that instead of working the plans that He gave to me, I told Him to co-sign the plans that I needed Him to fulfill. I was under this crazy impression that I created Him and not the other way around. Guess what folks; there are times when we desire something so badly, we convince ourselves that GOD must have said it, or it wouldn’t be such a strong desire. I’m guilty, and therefore I made ABBA into a liar.

Not only did I do that to HIM, but in this haste of mine to fulfill a prophesy, promise and plan that He did not give, I placed myself in a state of poverty trying to pay for it myself. One thing I’ll remember hearing a cliché, “if it’s HIS will, it’s HIS bill.” HE gives us free will and will never force us to do anything that we don’t want, and so because I heard what I wanted to hear (making up in my own mine that it was HIM) He allowed it to be.

As this conversation was happening and HIS revelation was being heard I began to repent, and even that felt different. It did not feel strained or desperate; it was not out of desperation to have HIM love me again, but if was the purest, calmest, and most sincere request I’ve ever had in a moment such as this. What happened on this with ABBA was the most profound and peaceful moment I have ever experienced with HIM. As I take this Course Correction that HE has offered to me, then maybe the dizzying travels that I have taken myself on will become the clear and straight path that he has intended for me.

Some may receive this blog and “seek the Kingdom of GOD,” and some may not; it’s entirely your call. My call was to be transparent. There will be people like the Pharisees who are going to question your salvation, go ahead and let them. Petty Patty and her Performing Poodles will shun you with the classic “bless your heart” or “that was very brave of you to post.” It’s okay, He’ll drown out the voices of your naysayers and lovingly walk you to your promise land.

This blog is the first step towards the place HE has for me. Am I behind in everything, NO! Do I need to start moving harder and not procrastinating, YES! This Course Correction conversation came with no condemnation, but left me feeling even more worthy of the peace, joy, prosperity, and love that can only come from HIM. The true meaning of A Father’s Love.

Don’t wait for the conversation to come to you, reach out to ABBA and ask is there a Course Correction conversation you need to have with me?

Many Blessing to you all, and may you find what you have so desperately been searching for in the arms of CHRIST.