This Is Me, As I Am

Have you ever cried out with the words “Why me Lord, Why Me? I know those words have come out of my mouth numerous times, and I didn’t really sit and wait for an answer because there was no answer given that could satisfy the place I was in when those words were spoken. I spoke them after my abuse, I spoke them after each suicide attempt that I failed at. I screamed them at 19 years old after losing my father. In 2011, I scream it again after the death of my oldest brother, but in 2016 when my second brother died, I screamed “Why him and not me?” At what point does that question ever leave your mind. At what point are you no longer afraid to tell someone how you really feel without being judged by the saints?
Can I share something with you? There are so many people sitting inside church houses asking themselves the above questions, but the enemy has tricked them into believing that there is something wrong with them. There are dead eyes and spirits in the choir, in the pulpit, greeting people at the door. Have you ever checked on your brothers and sisters in Christ that you believe has it all together, or have it all together? Do we really care?

During my study time this morning in the word of God, Holy Spirit led me to read the book of Matthew. A few crazy things about my time this morning. I have many different Bibles in my home with many different versions. NKJV, NIV, MSG, plus all the other translations that are on the Bible app in my phone. Instead of picking up my trusted NKJV Bible that is has fallen apart at the seams and must be opened carefully so I don’t lose any pages, I came across my mother’s Bible. It has been idly sitting on a box. I’ve looked at it many times in the past two and a half years since her passing, but never opened it with the thought of using it as my study guide. Well today was different. I brought it to my bedroom, opened it to Matthew and began to read and study. There are so many nuggets (parables) that we are being taught in the book of Matthew, but when I reached chapter 10 verses 5-12, that answered the question of my above statement written back in November. I realize this blog writing is for me, but is there someone else out there who will read this and claim understanding for themselves? Is there someone else besides myself that will take responsibility for not checking on their strong friends that sit in the chair/seat/pew right beside them. Is there someone else besides me that will take responsibility for not checking in on the man or woman of God that feeds you spiritually every Sunday and once maybe twice during the week?
Sometimes we must check on the ones that are in HIS house as well. I get it, if we are saved, sanctified, and filled with the Holy Ghost, we should be able to take care of and pray for ourselves. Stop being so uber spiritual people. Attacks happen to everyone, and sometimes people need to be checked on. Even Jesus was tempted and tormented by Satan.