This Is Me, As I Am

This is fresh and real. This will be posted immediately after writing. I know a person who has, for the past 13 years, been a friend, a mentor, a spiritual advisor, and also a pain in the butt when I am in my feelings, but when I am being led by Holy Spirit, I can receive a word from God that has been given to me and also a rebuke if I am doing, feeling, or saying something that goes against HIS word.

As I sit here writing this, Holy Spirit brought me back to the word of God, which is one of her favorite scriptures:

1 Peter 4:12 & 13, “Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; 13 but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.”

I’ve been through a lot in the past six years. From the loss of my mom, leaving my job (a career that I had for more than 30 years), and giving up the place we (my mom and I) lived in (rent went up). I didn’t lose faith in God completely, but I allowed the spirit of heaviness (depression) to overtake me. I have been without my own place to live since 2022 (living on the kindness of friends and family).

I struggled! Like, seriously struggled! The first year, I couldn’t find a way to reach God because of the grief, sadness, and depression that lived within me. I allowed them to rent the space in my temple, and regrettably, put Holy Spirit in the closet. Thank God for the Christian therapist I had. She was both the physical trainer for my mind and also the biblical trainer to remind me of the word of God.

I struggled, and though I am still not where I want to be, I am no longer in the place that held me hostage to my own thoughts and beliefs about myself. I was able to get back into the Word of God for myself. I was able to seek, pray, and hear from God myself, where I was reminded that in the valley, I did not walk alone. Once I understood that, I was able to move differently, and more freely than I had.

In these 6 years of missing my mom, and 3 years of being without my own, the glory of God and His plans for me were being revealed. Jeremiah 29:11

I am on a better path, with a greater focus on Him and not on myself. I seek Him daily, and when I believe that I did not seek Him in truth, I go back repent and start all over again. I am on a tour of gratitude, and in that gratitude, I realize that suffering has every right to come to me as it did my Saviour, but His word never fails; it “does not return to Him void”, and because I sought Him good things are coming my way. If life starts to tell you contrary to what the word says, SEEK HIM!

SELAH (Think on this!)